“If you get Dr. Bowers on your side, that’s all that matters..”

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Ted tapped his thigh emphatically as he passed the sales advice on to Bert, who was, at this moment, en route to Dr. Bowers’ family practice in Tulsa.

The Hertz bus Ted was on rumbled habitually towards the rental car lot at Albuquerque International airport. Ted shifted his phone to the other ear.

“These statin promotions are really kickin’, so he’d be a fool not to want to sign up the whole practice. Oh, and don’t forget to mention there’s a trip to Cabo for the top three prescribing practices in the country. That should get his attention. Bowers loves a good margarita.”

He hung up with the junior sales rep, hoping that Bert was going to pick up where he’d left off with the good doctor. It meant a nice little extra manager’s bonus to Ted, and he needed it for supplies, particularly with the summer pageant season upon him.

Albuquerque. That happenin’ town, he’d heard a twenty-something sarcastically tell his buddy as they’d passed him en route to their seats on the connection from Dallas.

So true, he thought. Only one good bar in town, and their best-dressed contest didn’t pay much except in local glory and maybe a mescal shot or two from admirers. So different from the real hotspots like NoLa, South Beach and New York. But his pharma rep territory sadly precluded those places, leaving him to do what he could with the southwest drag circuit.

What really upset Ted most was the impact his road warrior career was increasingly having on his appearance. Stretchy polo shirts and pleated khakis were far more forgiving to a growing paunch than his favorite satin bustier and candy apple red stilettos. If he didn’t drop some pounds soon, his well-received Mae West persona, Maybe Yes, would soon be most decidedly Maybe No.

As he crammed himself into the Hertz Kia Soul sitting in stall 225, Ted shifted his black bra back into place, and cranked the AC. Albuquerque might not be a hotspot in terms of drag queen bars, but it was plenty warm in August. He drove out of the rental lot to the uptown Sheraton, which he liked because the manager, Xavier, gave him the ‘Queen for a Queen’ discount.  Xavi (or rather, Lupi Lupay, as his stage name went) was a tough local competitor, but they had bonded over the years around such fiercely-debated topics as the proper display of peacock feathers and flapper-era hemlines.

He drove down the I-25 highway, past the many storage centers and signs for the local Native American casinos, and began to think wistfully about his annual fall vacation to San Francisco.

Not too far away, thank God. He could almost taste the fresh seafood, smell the sea air and hear the ABBA. Of course this year would be sadly different with Lisa not joining him. She may have appreciated a well-fitting bra and a good lipstick, but in the end it wasn’t enough common ground for a marriage. Ted swallowed hard and blinked back some quick tears as he pulled into the hotel parking. He understood Lisa’s decision. Tough calls were familiar ground to pharma reps and drag queens alike.

 After all, people needed their Lipitor, and the show must go on.

 

E-Yah!

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Goddamn, I’m tired.

Lijuan ‘Alice’ Fung shook herself awake with a start, and wondered if she’d actually missed the ferry home to Kowloon while she snored away some of the long night of office cleaning at the Peng Building in Sheung Wan.

In Mandarin, Li-Juan Fung meant ‘beautiful and graceful bird’.  But with all due respect to the honored, long-dead parents who named her, right now Alice felt a lot more like an old goat.  No imminent, glorious flight here, she thought; just a lot of bone-ache and back spasms.

‘E-yah’, she said to no one in particular, as she noticed that the Star Ferry she’d meant to be on was, in fact, already docked across the bay.  At least the next one’d be along in twenty minutes and she wouldn’t be too late.

I’ll still have time to shower, make a bowl of congee with that leftover chicken, and maybe even watch half of my TV soap before taking the #23 bus to the early afternoon pai-gow game with my useless cousins.

Gotta keep sharp.  The only way to have another good weekend in Macau was to keep playing, keep learning, and keep figuring out the angles.  All that, plus a whole lot of joss, and maybe, just maybe, her winning streak in the glittery casinos would keep rolling.  Fortune had certainly been with her.  More or less.

Work wasn’t nearly so glorious, and lately it’d been even worse.  The Pengs were cold, ungrateful bosses, who hadn’t given her a raise in who knows how many years.  She was fairly certain she was heading to an early grave because of the cheap cleaning products they made her use as she went from floor to floor six nights a week. 

Recently, the Pengs were even more irritable, as they negotiated the sale of the building to a Kowloon holding company, which was surprising given it had been the cornerstone of their very profitable Hong Kong real estate empire.  It was, after all, a very solid building – well-built, good location, with fairly reliable, established white-collar tenants.  It even had decent congee downstairs in the restaurant, although their lai wang bao were disgusting.

Alice looked back across the landing, and noticed that the ferry was about to dock.  It was the Meridian Star, which meant nothing to her other than she knew all the classic Star Ferry ships had ‘Star’ in their name.  How much this city has changed, she mused.  The Star Ferry was once the only reliable, affordable way to cross the bay between Hong Kong and Kowloon.  But with multiple (expensive) underground tunnels for traffic and the MTR, and all the land reclamation projects, the Ferry was being relegated to nothing more than a tourist must-do.  Still, she thought, she’d used it her whole life.  No sense switching now.

She climbed aboard the green, black and white ferry, and took her favorite wooden bench seat on the sunny side of the ship.  As she did, the first smile of the daylight hours crept across her face.

She couldn’t wait for her purchase of the Peng building to close next week, so she could finally tell those pig-fuckers what she thought of them.  Thank you, Macau. E-yah!

Phrasejumping – not quite a sport, but fun anyway

 

This site has been a long time coming, not because of any inherent complexity or buried genius –  I simply never knew what kind of writing could keep my focus and live in what is always a busy (enjoyable) life.

Write a novel?  I’m not that patient or far-sighted.  Poetry?  I’m not that abstractly deep.  Business topics?  I do that elsewhere.

This year, a chance encounter gave me the vehicle I was looking for.  My wife and I were in New York City for a long weekend of fun, which included a concert by a local rock legend.  Prior to heading to the Garden for the show, we were walking in mid-town to an Italian restaurant for dinner, enduring the Polar Vortex II.

As we turned down the final block, two twenty-somethings in suits passed by us on the sidewalk, and we heard one say to the other: “..it’s absolutely a missed opportunity..”  And off they went into the evening.

Strolling into the warm Italian place, my wife and I were both thinking the same thing: lines like that would be a great basis for a story…at least a short story.  It wouldn’t be just any line heard in passing.  We figured we’d know it when we heard it.

With absolutely no pomp or circumstance involved, we dubbed it a phrasejump, and the act of writing one ‘phrasejumping’.  I suppose that makes us phrasejumpers, but I’m not sure we’re ready to put that on a t-shirt…yet.  Maybe a coffee mug.

Now that I’ve written a few, I figured it’s time to start letting them see the light of day.

Enjoy.

Kris

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